Tonight I had a very sappy and sentimental moment. I was
rocking Maddie Grace, listening to Adele in Pandora - can I pause a
second and just ask why does Adele's music always bring out the sappy
side of me? I love her, but man, when I listen to her I usually turn
into an emotional basket case! Anyway, Maddie Grace had the best day,
she was so pleasant, and very cuddly and as I'm rocking her she keeps
looking up at me and smiling. And my heart is literally melting with
each sweet little gummy grin. I see the love in her little almond shaped
eyes and become a blubbering mess. It's a combination of the music, the
sun setting outside her windows, the constant squeaking of the rocking
chair, her sweet grin and as I'm taking this all in I'm literally
blindsided with the thought that I feel like I'm healing. I felt true
true peace tonight.
Healing from a broken
heart is a process. It certainly doesn't happen over night. But I had
convinced myself that I was fine. I pushed through every day and things
have been great. We have an amazing, sweet baby. I have been fine. So I
guess that's why I was so blindsided; I really thought I didn't need to
heal. I had convinced myself that I was healed, but my very wise mother
put it best; she said, "broken hearts heal a little at a time and as the
cracks begin to fill you realize that everything is going to be just
fine." Its so true. A tiny crack healed tonight and I had the
overwhelming feeling that things are going to be just fine. Maddie Grace
is making me a better person, she is making me whole and now I know
that I still have some healing to do. Next time a crack fills I may not
be as blindsided. I have lots of growing to do and sometimes growing
pains hurt a little. But everything is going to be just fine.
