Healing

Tonight I had a very sappy and sentimental moment. I was rocking Maddie Grace, listening to Adele in Pandora - can I pause a second and just ask why does Adele's music always bring out the sappy side of me? I love her, but man, when I listen to her I usually turn into an emotional basket case! Anyway, Maddie Grace had the best day, she was so pleasant, and very cuddly  and as I'm rocking her she keeps looking up at me and smiling. And my heart is literally melting with each sweet little gummy grin. I see the love in her little almond shaped eyes and become a blubbering mess. It's a combination of the music, the sun setting outside her windows, the constant squeaking of the rocking chair, her sweet grin and as I'm taking this all in I'm literally blindsided with the thought that I feel like I'm healing. I felt true true peace tonight.

 

 

Healing from a broken heart is a process. It certainly doesn't happen over night.  But I had convinced myself that I was fine. I pushed through every day and things have been great. We have an amazing, sweet baby. I have been fine. So I guess that's why I was so blindsided; I really thought I didn't need to heal. I had convinced myself that I was healed, but my very wise mother put it best; she said, "broken hearts heal a little at a time and as the cracks begin to fill you realize that everything is going to be just fine." Its so true. A tiny crack healed tonight and I had the overwhelming feeling that things are going to be just fine. Maddie Grace is making me a better person, she is making me whole and now I know that I still have some healing to do. Next time a crack fills I may not be as blindsided. I have lots of growing to do and sometimes growing pains hurt a little. But everything is going to be just fine.